Dreams and Reality
by LilliaJohnson
Summary: After Revan has been gone for 5 years, Carth can no longer tell dreams from reality. Mild flff, mild angst. Carth/LSFRevan. OneShot.


It was early. Too early. His mind was hazy, as was everything around him. His body was screaming in protest due to his lack of sleep. That was common these days. He hadn't slept well for five years. Not since she had left.

Sunlight streamed into the small apartment through the window over his bed, heating the room. Vaguely he wished he were back on Telos, on the station. Not back on Coruscant. It just brought back unwelcome memories of the last time he was here, with her. Everything in the room seemed to heat, and the cold was banished slowly as the seconds ticked on.

The sun wasn't the only source of warmth in the room, though. He could feel her soft, comfortable weight on the bed next to him, her long hair tickling his arm slightly. It was her that had woken him. Not her touch, but it was her presence in the room that had penetrated his fitful rest, disturbing the oh so pleasant dream he had been having about the two of them reuniting and… getting reacquainted.

Dreams. He knew all about dreams. His life with her had just been one long, amazingly beautiful fantasy. But all good things must come to an end. Imaginings fade, and people leave, or die, or love disappears overnight and turns into anger or distrust, or pain.

It was inevitable, their parting. He wasn't lucky enough for that particular dream to last. And this was just another fantasy, to tempt him, to keep him from going mad with despair and loneliness. It was unfortunate but true. After all, he should know this would happen eventually. He had been heartbroken like this before. Morgana hadn't lasted, why should Revan? What made her different? Hell, they even looked similar, blonde and blue eyed. Both he had loved. Both he had married. Both he believed would never leave him. But both eventually did.

The light coming into the room had hit his eyes and his brow creased as irritation flitted through him. It faded, however, into hope and fear as the person next to him moved closer, and soft lips pressed against his cheek, his neck, his shoulder, attempting to coax his eyes open. But he didn't stir. This had happened before. He would dream she had returned, that she was lying next to him, that his beloved Revan had come back, alive, happy, ready to restart their lives together, only to awaken, disappointed and hurt, to find her absent.

He thought back to that day on Korriban, when the dream began, and their true feelings for each other had been revealed. She had just done what was probably one of the most selfless acts anyone had ever preformed for him. She had saved his son, his only child from a life of emptiness and darkness. As part of the Sith. A small act to some, maybe, but to him, it was the ultimate reassurance that she had changed for the better, that she was no longer the evil, power-hungry monster she had once been. That she was a good, compassionate person, a true redeemed Jedi. He remembered half pulling, half dragging her into her room - the head of the academy had called a room, but felt more like a box with a bed squeezed into the middle of it - all the while ignoring the curious glances from the Sith students and their companions alike. Remembered telling her that he couldn't hate her, no matter how much he had initially wanted to, but found he couldn't despise someone with so much good in them. Had asked for forgiveness for everything he had said, and that she would begin a future with him. Had told her that he loved her. For a minute, he had been scared she wouldn't return those feelings. Even today, her response made him laugh. She hadn't said a word; instead leaping on him, tackling him onto the small, hard, pitiful excuse for a bunk, crashing her mouth onto his. Thinking about the rest of that night still made him blush. Nothing more had needed to be said that night. They had found love and hope in each others arms, and had begun a journey together, had started new lives in which were intertwined.

A sad little smile crossed his face. The woman next to him was closer now, so close he could hear her heart beating in almost perfect unison with his. Two hearts, beating as one. _She'd said that as part of her wedding vows_, he thought dimly. She was still gently kissing him, her hand running up his waist, and up into his dark, messy brown hair.

Reluctant to end the dream, he opened his eyes slowly, sitting upright in bed, and was greeted with darkness. It was still and quiet, moonlight and the glow of various lights from work buildings and all-night cantina's lighting up the city. Some of the best business that an Entertainment centre could get was in the middle of the night, when the depressed and the lonely came to seek refuge in a drunken haze. Smiling ruefully, he wondered for a moment which one Atton was in, probably thinking about his wife-to-be fighting for her life in Unknown Space without him. There were other ways to deal with despair other than getting hammered every night and drowning yourself in juma. Despite his attempts to lighten his own mood, he still felt miserable, and felt a lump rise at the back of his throat. Her kiss, her touch, all of it had just been part of another phantasm. As usual.

Sighing, he lay back down to go back to sleep, but nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw who was next to him. Curled up in a small ball, fast asleep and cuddling a pillow close to her like a child hugs a soft toy, was Revan. He couldn't believe his eyes. He began to rub them vigorously, convinced it was just an elusion. When he stopped, to find her still there, all drowsiness lifted. His strong, beautiful, smart, perfect Revan. He began to grin, and for the first time in years, it was a real smile, the muscles at the corner of his mouth straining as if he'd forgotten how to do it properly. She'd probably bypassed the lock on his door- she had a real talent for that sort of thing, another one in a long list of abilities she possessed- crept over, and attempted to wake him. He had assumed that was is imagination working overtime to halt the longing for the return of his wife, but it was real, just as she was. When she had been unable to wake him- rather, he'd been too stubborn to let her wake him- she'd probably just intended to lay there for the rest of the night, hoping to scare the frack out of him when he woke the next morning. He gently ran his hand through her honey coloured curls. She was just as gorgeous as he recalled. Same bright lips, same perfect, pale skin, same delicate, soft hands, all of it. The moment he touched her, she woke suddenly, and looked up at him blearily, the same smile on his face as he had on his, her brilliant blue eyes rapidly filling with tears.

"You're here." he whispered brokenly, as she sat up next to him.

"I'm here"

"You came back."

"Just like I promised." Frack, her voice was even the same, calming yet seductive at the same time. He'd never heard someone with a voice like that. Her arm had slipped around his waist, and he gently prised it away, taking her hand in his, gently fingering the silver marital ring around her fourth finger.

"You're still wearing it." This statement earned him a small punch on the arm.

"Of course I am, Flyboy. Don't be stupid. Just 'cause I went on a half baked attempt to save the galaxy, blow away the bad guy, save the damsel in distress, you know, the usual," she said, and he chuckled slightly at the inside joke," doesn't mean I'd just forget about you. Doesn't mean I was never coming back," her voice was quivering now, and tears flowed out of her bright, clear as water eyes, " I swore that I would return... I... I promised I'd come back to you. I'm... I'm crazy about you. Just the thought of you... it kept me alive for years. It kept me safe, on the path of the light. It brought me through the hardest time of my life." Her voice became softer, harsher, "I need you. More than you could ever know. I- I love you. And I swear, I'm never going to leave you again." Just to prove her sincerity, she breached the distance between them, a distance that might as well have been light years between them, and, lightly sliding her hand around his neck, brought her lips to his. He reached up and stroked her cheek, breathing in the scent of her perfume, reflecting in the fact that her lips still tasted of traeberries, his hand running up and down her back. He pushed the memories, the fantasies aside and revelled in the real thing.

He woke hours later, content and happy, just as the sun began to rise, casting its rays over the city, poking through the many large buildings to flood light into the apartment complex. And Revan was still there, sleeping peacefully beside him, heat radiating of her, head on his shoulder, hair spread out behind her, brushing against him and tickling his arm. Smiling, Carth gently kissed her forehead, whispered "I love you", and settled back into a dreamless sleep.

Sometimes, dreams become reality.


End file.
